Life is a Game of Luck
by Doublepasse
Summary: For FT Angst Week - Did he believe in fate? He preferred not to. Or it would mean Fate was an unfair bitch who took a sadistic pleasure into creating awful stories. He preferred to blame it on luck. Bad luck, bad karma, or whatever it was. Nalu. WARNING : violent scenes, drugs, blood, death, mention of prostitution and rape. Do not read if you can't handle it.
**_This one-shot was written for Fairy Tail Angst Week on Tumblr. Theme : Smothered._**

 ** _WARNING : violent scenes, drugs, blood, death, mention of prostitution and rape. Do not read if you can't handle it._**

 ** _Now this is not a story meant to show you atrocities and disgust you. You won't find Natsu rape Lucy, or kill her. This is a story about love, about life, choices, disillusion and luck. This is meant to make you think. For those who are interested, I'd be happy to have your opinion :)_**

 ** _With no further waiting..._**

* * *

 **LIFE IS A GAME OF LUCK**

Did he believe in fate? He preferred not to. Or it would mean Fate was an unfair bitch who took a sadistic pleasure into creating awful stories. He preferred to blame it on luck. Bad luck, bad karma, or whatever it was.

Sometimes he caught himself daydreaming about their happy days, while he walked in the streets. When they were younger, free…in control.

 _A warm atmosphere welcomed him along with the cristalline laughter of his girl. She was beautiful, shining in the red-orange lights of the little dance room he invited her to. She jumped in his arms and kissed him, transmitting all her love for him through that lips contact. They were both so happy and hopeful for the future._

 _Whirling together on the catchy rhythm of Stevie Wonder, they forgot about everyone around them. Only them mattered. In a whisper, they both made the promise to always fight together on the hard path of life._

 _'Free, like the river. Flowing freely through infinity.'_

 _Life always rewarded the hard worker after all. All they needed was courage, motivation and love to accompany them. They had all that. Together, they'd be invincible. No matter what life would throw at them._

 _'Freer than the meaning free that man defines.'_

 _Happy days could falter with time, but their strength would never leave them. As long as they were together._

 _'Freer than a sunbeam shining through my soul.'_

But eventually he had to wake up. Chase away the nostalgia that took him. He came to cherish these short instants of freedom he felt when he zoned out, although he hated to be called back to reality.

Natsu sighed as he contemplated the cloudless blue sky above him, illuminating the grey polluted streets of Magnolia. Another smothering summer day was ending, leaving people exhausted from a hard day of work and heat. It was so hot outside that even the beggars from his neighborhood left the streets to hide under the rare trees or the porches.

Natsu threw a coin to his usual beggar who was waiting for him at the corner of his apartment building. He stared for a second at his reflexion in the glass window behind the poor old man. A stranger looked back at him. He had a tan skin marked with tattoos and strong muscles, showing he worked out everyday. Short spiky pink hair framed a tired face with hard traits and a scar, that seemed like frozen in time. Only his burning eyes were giving his face the power he held in his heart. A raging power, prisoner of life and bad luck.

He wondered when was the last time he felt conscious of his image. Then he walked away from the stranger, heading towards what he still called his home. He pushed the broken door of his apartment building open, and took the filthy stairs until the fifth floor. He learned with time to forget about the humble state of his home. He wasn't born rich anyway, it was nothing he couldn't deal with.

"Hey." Natsu said as he finally came into his small flat. On his left, there was a little kitchen with dirty dishes filling the sink. In front of him, a dining table stood. It was also used as a desk. And immediately on his right was the bed where _she_ spent most of her time for almost a year now…

The bed sheets moved at the sound of his voice, and a dishevelled blond head emerged, inspecting the newcomer with empty eyes.

"Hey." a trembling hand appeared and weakly pushed the blanket away, allowing the thin figure to sit straight. "You're home."

"Yeah." Natsu threw a plastic bag on the table. "I bought dinner." he observed her reaction while he put his backpack on the floor next to the bed. She didn't even look at the food bag. Her whole body was dominated by spasms and tremblings she tried to control as she moved. Her pale skin emphasized the dark circles under her brown eyes. Those seemed to be now a definitive part of her skin.

There she was. The love of his life. His girl. His Lucy.

"Did you buy my stuff?" she asked without meeting his gaze.

"No." this answer was enough to bring her attention on his face. She fixed him with an intense stare as she waited for an explanation. "…didn't have enough bread."

"You had enough to buy dinner." her tremblings intensified.

"Yeah, well you actually need to eat if you want to live and do your fucking dope, just in case you forgot." his acid reply seemed to float in the air between them. The two adults were glaring at each other, trying to decide if starting an argument was worth it.

Natsu finally broke the eye contact, and walked in the kitchen. "I'mma get more money tonight." He opened a drawer full of napkins, then dipped his forearm in the deep folds. He searched a bit until he closed his hand on a tiny plastic bag filled with green content.

"What're you gonna do?" Lucy asked as she stood up with difficulty. Her arms shook so hard Natsu thought they would break. She looked like an old sick lady.

"Doesn't matter. I'll get your dope soon." he threw the bag on the counter between them. "Smoke that, it'll make you wait."

"I don't want that. I want-"

"I know, but it's not possible for now." Natsu cut her off with irritation. "Wait a bit, it's not gonna kill you." he snorted at the irony.

"You know…" she hesitated, twisting her fingers. "I met a man at the bar who can give me a lot of-"

"No." Natsu didn't let her finish. He knew perfectly well where this would end. He walked towards her threateningly. Lucy backed away until she was stuck with the wall behind her. "Don't even think about it."

"But-"

"No. I don't want you to ever do _that_ again. You hear me?" he grasped her shoulders, trying hard to control his strength. He didn't want to bruise her, despite all the frustration she gave him.

His tone was cold and harsh, and his dark eyes reflected all the anger he felt at the moment. It would be enough to terrify any brave man who would defy him, and yet his girl didn't look affected one bit. She didn't answer. She just glared at him, holding him responsible for her misery.

"It's my choice." she finally spat.

"No it's not." he pursed his lips, feeling pissed off. He felt a rush of irritation and disdain in his veins. "It's your junkie brain talking there. Real Lucy would never do _that_. And look at you, you really think you can suck a dick like that? You couldn't even get _me_ hard."

There he realized he went too far. Lucy looked at him with wet eyes. He hurt her feelings. She still had feelings.

"You find me…disgusting?" she asked. Natsu's heart melt at these words. A wave of affection swept all the tension of his body. He sighed as he softly rubbed her cheek.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean that." he pulled her head on his chest. She wrapped her trembling arms around him, nuzzling his body. "You're beautiful." Natsu kissed the crown of her head.

Lucy looked up to give him her brightest grin. The grin he used to love so much. For a moment, it seemed like everything was back to normal. Like their happy days were never gone. Still young and in love. Still powerful and free.

Natsu bent his face, meeting her lips with his. A soft kiss, to show her how much he still cared for her, how much he needed her old self. Lucy moved her mouth on his and sensually rubbed his back, deepening their embrace. When Natsu felt her hands pull his ass to her grinding body, he hummed. A slight arousal started to form, and he wondered how far they could go.

He ground back on her while he still kissed her, in a more lustful way. He felt Lucy's hands move up a bit, until she reached the back pockets of his pants. She slipped her fingers in them.

"What d'you think you're doing?" Natsu had been faster than her. His hands had a firm grip on her wrists, stopping them from investigating further. But she had felt enough.

"I knew it." Lucy snarled, sending him her most hateful glare. "You have money."

No more love on their faces. Lust was gone as well. Natsu felt like someone had poured a bowl of icy water on his head. And yet he wasn't even surprised.

"Ain't no bread here."

"You liar!" Lucy yelled. All of a sudden, her usually weak muscles contracted, her force rising drastically. She swung her hand and slapped him. "YOU FUCKING LIAR!"

Natsu reacted immediately. He seized her waist and in one difficult movement slammed her on the bed. Lucy was yelling, throwing kicks and punches on his chest, his legs, every where she could.

"GIMME THE MONEY YOU BASTARD!" Natsu blocked her legs with his, and locked his hands on her elbows. She couldn't reach him with her powerful hits anymore. He was used to her crises by now, but her immense strength surprised him every time.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP! You want people to call the cops?!" Natsu tried to muffle her mouth with his palm, but the vixen wiggled too hard under him.

"I DON'T CARE!" she managed to throw her knee between his legs. Natsu cursed and blocked her leg again as he tried to forget the violent pain.

"Fuck… You damn bitch! You _don't_ wanna see the cops, trust me! You know what they'll do to you?! They'll put you in rehab! That's what you want?"

That was enough to calm Lucy. In one second, she stopped struggling and yelling, only fixing Natsu with pure hatred in her eyes.

"…and after rehab…right in the slammer." he was breathless. But at least he got her attention. "Now you listen. Tonight, with my hundred bucks, I can get at least three ground."

Her eyes glimmered at these words… Three ground meant a lot of dope. That was all she cared about.

"So you be a nice little girl and wait for me while I get your money, alright?" he held his grip on her until she answered. She seemed to cogitate for a while, probably weighing pros and cons. She must have been in deep withdrawal.

"…okay." she finally grumbled and averted her eyes. "When will you be back?"

"I dunno, two or three hours." he started to release her, but froze all of a sudden. "By the way, in case you decide to whore yourself out, you be warned…"

Lucy looked back in his eyes, but she wasn't scared at all by the warning tone. He knew she only cared about one thing in the world. And it wasn't him.

"…I'll cut every dick you dare to even touch, and I'm gonna choke you with'em." Natsu finally let her go. She went back to her trembling weak self, pulling the blanket over her frail body.

"Fuck you…" Lucy muttered.

"Not in the mood, sorry." Natsu grimaced at her. He grabbed his keys and also hers, in case she didn't obey. He slammed the door shut, locking it behind him.

He went out of the building, closing himself to the despair and frustration he should feel. He had learned months ago that it was better to bury them and build a wall around him. Or he could never handle her.

He hated to threaten her, but it was the only way now to get a bit of control on her. Even if he suspected that she didn't buy it this time. Even in her state, she knew he wouldn't hurt her. Yet she was aware he would kill the men who'd dare to touch her. And if that happened, they would have to move out. Again.

That was the only threat that stopped her from doing _that_. Selling herself. Natsu wanted to punch the wall. Just thinking about it made him sick. But he wondered how long his control would last. She became more and more addicted as time passed.

He sighed as he looked up to the still blue sky. Twilight would color it in red and orange soon. His favorite colors. It reminded him of fire. Lucy often wore dresses with these colors before, to please him.

He wondered as he walked, how they managed to end up in that shit. What was life before? Six years ago, never in the world would he imagine their future like this.

Six years ago…

* * *

She was a struggling singer who had slammed the door of her alcoholic father's home when she turned eighteen. Full of talent and hope, she aimed to build herself a place under the sun. She was broke, like a lot of people in Alvarez, but she was young, beautiful and hardworker. She could make it. She sang in little restaurants every night, hoping one day she'd get noticed and finally earn from life what she deserved. Meanwhile, she worked as much as she could, saving money for harder days.

He was a boy of the streets. An orphan of Alvarez Empire, full of joy and passion for life, but also full of fierceness for everyone and everything that stood in his way to happiness. He was a fighter, and he decided to use it. He would be a professional boxer someday, he would be the king of the ring, and nothing would stop him. He had the guts, he had the talent, he had the rage. He would make it to the top.

When they first met, they knew they would have a long road to share together. Like in a Hollywood romance plot, they fell in love with each other, for everything they represented. Beauty, talent, determination, hope… They both had the same ferocious wish to reverse the balance. To counter the bad luck they were born in. To become the phoenix that rose from ashes.

For two years, everything seemed to go according to plan. Natsu started to box for low class competitions. A brilliant career was promised to him, he just needed to keep working and be patient. As for Lucy, a lot of restaurants and cafés asked for her to sing at nights. She was finally getting recognition.

Work was starting to pay off. When Lucy finally got a proposition to boost her at the Grand Cabaret of the capital, they both thought it was too good to be true. They celebrated together this good fortune coming to them.

Until that day…

 _Natsu was waiting for twenty minutes in front of Lucy's workplace. Why did she take so long? It was late. He knew she had a meeting with the agent of the Grand Cabaret, but it should have been over by now._

 _He decided to ask a waitress if she had seen her around. She answered she had left by the back door fifteen minutes ago. Natsu was angry at himself, he had forgotten she'd ask him to wait her there. He hoped she wouldn't get mad at him for the wait._

 _He got around the restaurant, but when he reached the back door, no blonde singer was waiting for him. Surprised, he scrutinized the dark street ahead of him. Maybe she thought he wouldn't show up, therefore she had gone that way._

 _Natsu walked at a good pace, hands in his pocket. He was trying to forget the pinch of worry that took his heart. He didn't like Lucy to wander alone in the streets of the capital. This neighborhood wasn't very safe._

 _Suddenly he froze. His sensitive ears had perceived a sound. A very feeble whimper came from his right. He immediately ran this way, trying to be as silent as possible. His heart beated frantically, fear threatening to overcome his senses. He didn't want to believe it could be…_

 _He turned left. The street was a dead-end. And there between the garbage, he saw them. He saw the so-called agent. Standing behind Lucy. Thrusting inside of her while he twisted her arms in an unnatural position. Lucy was sobbing. A thick tissue in her mouth muffled her screams._

 _Natsu ran to them. He grabbed the man's collar. He pulled him away from his girl, and sent him flying against a wall. The man yelped at the collision. He took a gun out of his pocket, but Natsu kicked his hand before he could pull the trigger._

 _Now it was just him and the man who hurt Lucy. The man who dared to touch his girl. The man who would pay for the pain he gave her. Natsu didn't care about anything else. Adrenaline rushed through his veins, telling him to hit._

 _He unleashed his rage on the man. He punched him in the face. He didn't know how many times he did it, but it wasn't enough. He didn't hear the sobs of the man, nor his begging for mercy. He only heard the constant whistling of hatred in his ears, pushing him to make him bleed. He didn't stop when the man's nose cracked. He didn't stop when his face was drowned in a stream of blood._

 _He stopped when he heard her. He heard her say his name. He stopped his bruised fist in its race to the man's body. He blinked several times, as if he was awaking from a trance. Then he contemplated what he had done. Had he killed the man? He couldn't be sure._

 _Natsu looked to the side. He saw Lucy, on her knees, trembling, pale like death. But her eyes were not the ones of a dead woman. Fear, pain, despair, anger and hatred were all mixed in those brown eyes he loved so much. She wasn't looking at him. She was staring at the unconscious – or dead – man who had messed her up._

 _She was holding his gun in her hands. She shot. Five times. Two bullets in his already bloody head, three bullets in his thorax. If Natsu hadn't killed him, then she had. And none of them regretted it._

 _Natsu looked at the victim with a grave look. His blood thirst was gone, but he could still feel his heart beating in excitement at the fresh memory. The hard truth echoed in his confused mind. He had murdered a man._ They _had murdered a man. And he had liked it._

 _Lucy threw up. That was the click that brought him back to reality. The consequences of their act sunk on him. They couldn't stay there. The police would come soon. They had to leave._

 _He helped Lucy to stand up, reassuring her with soft words. Together, they walked away from the dark garbage street, not even giving one last look to the slaughter they left behind._

The police took one day to find the link between the dead man and Lucy Heartfilia, a broke singer who lived with an unknown boxer for two years. But when they burst into the murderers' place, it was too late. They were already gone.

* * *

They left the country. Natsu knew a guy who managed to make them leave for Fiore during the night of the murder. In this new country where police was far less efficient than in Alvarez, the couple could disappear, leaving no track behind them.

They lived in three different cities before settling in Magnolia for good. This town was a paradise for people who needed to hide themselves, or their illegal activities. Life was harsh in Fiore, it was a poor country filled with corruption. Natsu and Lucy had to do like a lot of people, find a job, and dip their toes in illegal business from time to time, to pay the bills.

Surviving was hard, but healing was even worse. Lucy never really recovered from the abuse. And none of them could forget what they lost. On that fateful day in Alvarez, they both said farewell to their dreams. Lucy would never be a famous singer. Natsu would never win the king of the ring title.

If they showed their faces, they would end up in jail before they could try to explain. So for five years, they hid, worked as they could, prayed for a better future. At least they were together, always supporting each other. Just like they promised a few years ago.

But a dark depression had settled in their heart. Broken dreams were the worst thing to happen to them. They both had fought for their ambitions all their life. Luck had decided otherwise, once again. Fate had been a bitch, she didn't want them to succeed…

Natsu continued to box, as an amateur. No more competition, he couldn't risk to show himself. Unfortunately, he realized this activity wasn't enough to evacuate all the rage he felt. Box had too many rules. He had to follow the code, and he hated it. He wanted to unleash his strength…like that time. To feel powerful again. To taste the guilty pleasure of losing himself again. The adrenaline he got from boxing was never enough.

He knew it was wrong to think like this. It was a dangerous path that would lead him to killing again. He didn't want to impose that to Lucy. That's why he avoided fighting in the streets, as much as he could. He kept boxing for four years, to evacuate anger…until bad luck stroke again.

He broke his wrist. With no money to get a proper surgery, he became unable to box again. It was over. It was like life really wanted him to accumulate frustration. He still had his old punching ball at home, he could at least use it, as long as he didn't push himself.

As if this condition wasn't frustrating enough, Lucy started to do drugs. At first it was nothing, they shared a little marijuana from time to time. Everybody did it around them. It made them both forget a bit about their constant pain.

But soon weed wasn't enough for her. She needed something stronger. For five years, she had struggled against her pain. She had never sung again since the Alvarez incident. Natsu knew how much it meant to her. He tried to stop her, to make her find a releasing activity. He even tried to initiate her to boxing. To get her rage out of her system against a punching ball, like he did.

But it wasn't how Lucy worked. She didn't need to release her pain. She needed to stifle it. Forget about it. Get higher and higher in a world where everything was only pure bliss…

She tested different drugs, until she found the ultimate one for her.

She started heroin on their sixth year in Fiore. She didn't tell Natsu, of course. When he realized, it was too late. She was addicted. Very addicted. Rehab? They didn't have money for that. He tried to get her back. He forced her to stop. She became violent, like every drug addict. But every time he got her to be clean, she dived back a few weeks later. So Natsu stopped to try.

He couldn't abandon her. She was his Lucy, she needed him… That was what he thought at first, until he realized that her dope was the only thing that mattered. She craved it so much that she even did…what he never thought she would dare to do. Sell her services. The addiction was so strong she overcame her trauma from six years ago. For dope. Not for him. Not for her friends. Not even for life.

When Natsu learned what she did that day, he was so mad he thought he would destroy the flat. He was scared to hurt her, so he left and came to find the guy who paid her… If his friends Gray and Gajeel hadn't been there, he would have killed him.

It took some time for Natsu to forgive Lucy. She was sick. Mentally sick. He wanted to help her, but every time he tried, she rejected him…

This was the ultimate frustration. They promised each other to be always together. In a way, they were still living in the same place. But they became stranger to each other, and stranger to themselves.

If Fate existed, then it was a real sadistic bitch. Giving you a fake idea of freedom for a time, then crushing your hopes, until there was nothing left from you. Life was a game for Fate. A game of luck. Good luck, bad luck. Natsu hoped Fate had a good laugh at least.

* * *

"What're you doing?" Natsu casually asked, despite the cold metallic barrel pressed on his forehead.

"That's my line, Ash-for-brain."

Natsu cackled, but the gun holder didn't even blink. Black hair framed a stern face animated by piercing blue eyes. Gray Fullbuster was known to be always cool and collected, no matter what situation he was facing. He rarely lost his temper, and always thought before he acted. He was the complete opposite of Natsu's impulsive personality, and yet they oddly got close friends four years ago.

"So what now? You're gonna kill me?" Natsu crossed his arms on his chest.

"Give me one good reason not to shoot."

"Hmm…you'd miss me?"

Gray huffed and lowered the gun. How could his friend joke like this?

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Gray finally started. "I leave town for barely three months, and when I come back, I learn that you're involved in here?!"

He pointed at the building Natsu was leaning on. It was an old abandoned paint factory, lost in the industrial area of Magnolia. These kind of buildings were often used by gangs as their headquarters, or illegal events.

"Just…tell me what happened, man!" Gray looked completely upset. For once, he couldn't control his shock. "Why the fuck would you play your life like that?!"

"Life is a game of luck." Natsu only shrugged.

"Life is a game of luck?!" Gray grimaced, incredulous. "Since when do you talk like that? You let them put bullshit in your head!"

"What's the difference, you always say there's bullshit in my head anyway."

"Stop playing smartass. Did you think about Lucy at least? What do you think she'd say if she knew?"

Natsu burst out in laughter. Not his usual laughter, no. It was a bitter one, dark and desperate. He calmed down and stared at Gray with his annoying smirk on the face.

"She'd encourage me to get more money for her dope."

"You can't be thinking that…" Gray said, a pinch of fear growing is his chest.

"That's all she cares about." he shrugged again. "I get her plenty of bread by playing-"

"There are other ways to get money, you bastard!" Gray yelled. He slammed the gun back on Natsu's head.

"Go ahead, shoot." he calmly said. "Then you'll have to explain Lucy why her money provider is gone."

Natsu wasn't even scared. He knew Gray would never do that. But he could feel the beginning of excitement at the idea of balancing between life and death.

"Dammit." Gray put the weapon in the back pocket of his pants. "You weren't like this when I left. You still had hope."

"Hope? Hope for what? Get Lucy back? I lost this hope a while ago."

"I can't believe you gave up on her…" Gray said, looking at him with a slight disdain. Natsu's smirk fell. He raised his brow, emphasizing his sudden harsh face.

"Don't give me that look when you don't understand, Ice-prick. She gave up on herself."

"You're the only one who can help her come back, and you don't even care about your own life."

"Fuck, do you listen when I talk?" Natsu was becoming aggressive. His eyes shone dangerously, but Gray didn't care. "She doesn't want help. She only wants dope. That's the only thing she cares about!"

"She cares about you asshole! If you die, she'll never recover!"

"Thanks for caring about her sake if I die." Natsu said as he snorted. Gray ignored the sarcasm.

"Lucy is sick, she loves you, and she needs help, even if she doesn't want it!"

"She loves me?" Natsu looked exhilarated. "Dude, love is gone. It's been a while now. We have…affection for each other sometimes, but that's all. She's more in love with her drug than me."

Gray internally cursed. He paced in front of Natsu, searching for the words that would make him change his mind.

"Listen…we were supposed to tell you all together… With Juvia, Erza, Jellal, Gajeel and Levy, we saved money for her…and for you."

"What?" Natsu said, a hesitation appearing in his voice for the first time.

"Lucy can be admitted to Erza's clinic, in rehab. Erza is friend with the boss, she made him lower the price. We've been all saving up for you guys for almost a year."

"Why for me too?" Natsu narrowed his eyes. He already sensed where this would end…

"…you need help too, Natsu." Gray's eyes were serious. And sorry. Sorry to tell him like this. He should have done it sooner. He knew it. But taking care of his friends besides his own family was a very hard task. Natsu and Lucy didn't make it easier.

"…I'm fine." Natsu tried to stay composed, but he was boiling inside. He really wanted to punch him.

"No, you're not. You wouldn't be here if you were. Lucy and you, you both need to talk."

"I doubt you'll manage to make Lucy talk."

"…it's insane, you don't even want to try!" Gray yelled again.

"Listen, you motherfucker…" Natsu spat as he grabbed his friend's collar. "I'm done trying. Okay? I tried six times with her. Six times, in one year. She got back to dope six times. She doesn't want help. Not from me. She doesn't care if I die today, tomorrow or in ten years. Hell, even I don't care. I get her bread the way I want. That's all."

He let him go. Gray saw in his eyes the determination. He wouldn't change his mind.

"It's your fifth time playing tonight, right?" he said, regaining his cool temper.

"Yup."

"And you really think you'll get out of it lucky one more time?"

"Why not?" …now he was just plain stupid.

"Because it's a game of luck, and you're pushing yours! And for what? 500 bucks?"

Natsu grinned devilishly at him. "Three ground tonight."

"What?! How can you get three ground?"

"Because tonight… I challenge Dreyar."

Gray widened his eyes. His heart jumped in his chest. He pinched the bridge of his nose. He had to keep it cool.

"You know…" he started, trying to keep his voice calm. "…that Dreyar is a cheater, right?"

"I heard of it. But I doubt he can cheat at a game of luck." Natsu said, staring at Gray intently. He knew his friend was close to his limit. Natsu wondered if he had the balls to fight him…

"Dude, he's been alive way too long to be clean."

Natsu didn't answer. Was he hesitating? Gray couldn't tell. It was like the walls around his friend had thickened during the three months he was out of town.

"Natsu, please don't do that."

"…sorry." Natsu turned around, taking a step towards the entrance of the building.

"Bullshit, you're not sorry at all… You're just gonna get yourself killed, and you don't even fucking care about the ones you leave behind."

Natsu stopped walking. He didn't turn around when he spoke.

"If Dreyar and me survive till the fifth round, we can both quit the game with our money."

"Fifth round?! Out of ten? ...fuck, you really think you'll get this lucky?!"

"Shut up." Natsu said. "If I get out of here alive, with my three thousand bucks, I'll give it a try again. I'll help you get Lucy to rehab."

"What a consolation." Gray said as he pouted. He wanted to slap Natsu so bad. But his friend was way stronger than him, it wouldn't be a wise thing to do. "Lucy's at home?"

"Yeah."

"…alone?"

"I locked the door."

"…are you crazy?! Leaving her high, alone in the apartment?"

"She's not high. She's waiting for me. Unless she found a way to get out and get bread by herself."

"Oh god…" Gray face-palmed. He had to go check on her. "How can you do that, man? How can you give up on your life, on your future like this?"

Natsu froze, and snapped his head at him. He gave him the most incredulous look he had. "What future?!"

Gray didn't know what to answer. This… His friend's sorrow was far deeper than he thought. He watched him disappear in the filthy building, unable to retain him. What had they done to deserve this?

He ran to follow Natsu, and stopped at the entrance. He could see his figure in the dark. "Life is a game of luck and _choices_ , you idiot! And you're choosing the worst thing ever!"

Natsu didn't react, but he had heard him. Gray cursed. He could at least check on Lucy, since he couldn't stop Natsu from his madness. He jumped on his motorcycle, and raced in the dark streets, barely avoiding cars around him.

He hoped Lucy didn't do anything wrong… He knew how violent and reckless she could be when she had withdrawal symptoms.

Gray accelerated. He had a bad feeling about all this.

* * *

Natsu followed the dark hallway, until he reached a spacious storage room. He found the hidden door that opened to staircases, leading him to the basement. It was hot like in an oven down there. He followed the path, guiding himself with the muffled voices of the crowd.

He walked by a few people who were chatting, wearing rich shiny clothes that looked ridiculous and gross on them. Pimps. Natsu internally snorted. They had the worst fashion taste ever.

The closer he got to the noisy game room, the hotter it felt. The air was suffocating with human sweat and blood. He wondered where they got rid of the corpses. They couldn't keep them in the building. One or two bodies every three weeks…that was a bother to hide.

He finally reached the improvised ticket office of the place, after meeting several people he knew by sight. They all encouraged him, telling him they'd bet high on him… Good. The more cash he could get, the better.

"Hi." a handsome face welcomed him. "Fifty bucks to watch the game…My, my, our new star is here."

Green intelligent irises eyed him up and down, like he was inspecting merchandise before buying it. Natsu closed his feelings of disgusts. He needed these guys.

"Yo, Freed."

"We all feared you wouldn't show up. You know a lot of people came to assist your match with Laxus."

"Good thing I'm here then." he answered. His face showed no expression, like every time he got involved with them. He knew he should not underestimate them. The stronger he looked, the better it was. "How many people?"

Freed waited a bit to answer, a teasing smile on his face. "Two hundred."

Natsu's heart skipped a beat. That was a lot of people… A lot of people who had money to waste.

"So…how much are you gonna bet tonight?" Freed asked with curiosity. Participants bet a certain amount of money on their own victory. People couldn't bet on them lower than this amount.

"A hundred." Natsu said as he put the cash on the counter. He smiled, a ferocious glint in his eyes. He had worked hard for three weeks to save this money, and mostly hide it from Lucy.

"Oh…" Freed said, raising an amused brow. "I feel like tonight is gonna be…interesting."

Freed wrote the sum on a card, then applied a lightning shaped stamp on it. Natsu took it and headed towards the back entrance, reserved for the participants. He opened the door and entered what he internally called 'the hallway of despair'.

It was a made up hallway. The brick walls had been added only a few years ago to separate the narrow place from the large game room where they would play their life, surrounded by the audience. Natsu called it like this, because the participants were always like half dead already. Pale like a pill, dark circles under their eyes, often skinny because undernourished…

People who were willing to play their life had nothing to lose. They were so poor and desperate - often junkies - they would go that far. They were persuaded by the managers that it was the only solution, because it always happened this way. Natsu was convinced that way too. But he was well aware of what he was doing, he was aware of the managers' tricks to enroll people. He did it by his own will.

He was different from the rest of the guys next to him. As soon as they arrived in the hallway of despair, they all came to reconsider their action. Natsu could read it on their face and their shaking. Fear.

Natsu had the fear as well. But he craved for the adrenaline rush that would result from the feeling… He was already trembling in anticipation. It was stronger than the fear to die.

He sat on the bench with the other men. The door leading to the crowd opened. A guy not far from him stood up. It was his turn. Natsu knew that on the other side of the basement, another guy stood up from another hallway of despair.

The man breathed in and out shakily, then put a vodka bottle to his lips, drinking a long burning sip before his fateful game.

Before he closed the door, Natsu had the time to see what was awaiting him, even if he was already familiar with it. The mass of people were piled in the basement, surrounding a table in the middle.

The game didn't need much tools. A table, two chairs, and a gun. A ten shots cylinder, and one bullet. One of the simplest games in the world. One of the most lethal too.

* * *

Gray threw his motorcycle against the wall. He was angry, he had taken too long to drive through the city. He walked up the stairs two by two, wrinkling his nose at the smell of urine.

He finally reached the fifth floor, and saw something that reanimate the fear in his guts. His friends' flat door was open, the lock broken.

Gray pushed it open. His blood turned to ice. Lucy was laying in the bed, eyes closed, skin pale like snow, lips and fingers blue…her chest wasn't moving. He ran to her and shook her shoulders.

"Lucy! Lucy!"

He put his pointing and middle fingers on her throat. Her pulse was very feeble and slow, but still present. He heard that she was also still breathing, but it was barely noticeable.

On the night table next to her, there was an empty syringe, a spoon with brown residual, a lighter, cotton, and an empty plastic bag where there must have been the powder. He grabbed it to examine it. It was a different kind… The dose must have been way higher than anything Lucy took before.

"Oh god!"

He ran to the little kitchen, grabbed the phone on the counter. No dialtone. Of course, they didn't pay the last six months.

Gray got out of the flat. He knocked frantically on the first door he found. A grumpy fat old man opened to him.

"Whaddaya want?" he narrowed his eyes suspiciously at him.

"Please, let me use your phone, my friend's ODing!" Gray didn't even wait for the man's answer. He forced his way into his home and grabbed the phone.

"Hey! Whaddaya think you're doin'?! I want no cops in my place, ya hear me?!" the man, angry, tried to stop him. Gray roughly grabbed his collar, making the man yelp.

"Shut up, I'm not calling the cops, I'm calling a friend… Hey, Erza?" Gray took his eyes away from the man. "You gotta come quickly…Lucy's ODing."

 _"Dammit… I'll be there as soon as I can. You know what to do?"_

"Yeah, I'll do what I can."

 _"Where's Natsu?"_

"…not here."

Erza stayed silent for a second. Gray frowned as he thought of his friend. He'll have to tell the dumbass. Preferably before he shot himself to death.

"Hurry up Erza, I need to drag his ass home, but I'll wait for you first."

 _"Okay, see ya."_

Gray hung up, he thanked the man who just huffed at him. Back in Lucy's appartment, he rolled the unconscious girl on her side, opening her mouth so that she could breathe and vomit if she had to.

Then he opened the window to allow fresh air to pour in…but the air outside was smothering. Too hot. He closed the window, cursing aloud. She needed to breathe. He examined her, and realised she was wearing a bra under her night shirt. He unhooked it, hoping it would be better.

Gray went to the kitchen, took a napkin on the counter and opened the tap above the sink. He was relieved to see water coming out of it. At least Natsu didn't forget to pay this bill. He wet the napkin with the coolest water they had.

He stroke her face, her neck, and her shoulders with the cold napkin, while he yelled her name in her ear in the same time.

"Wake up! You gotta wake up Lucy!" he shook her and slapped her, then checked her pulse. It wasn't working, her heart still beated too slowly. Gray realized his hands were trembling. He rubbed hiw sweaty face, where a deep frown signed his despair.

"Please…" he whispered. "You can't leave us all…you can't leave Natsu. The dumbass needs you… He's doing bullshit without you…"

* * *

He heard the ovation and disappointed shouts from the crowd. One of the guys forfeited. The winner gained the whole betting pool, and the loser lost his last savings, but at least he was still alive. This was the most frequent scenario. Rare were the people who actually had the guts to shoot their own temple.

Hence the betters' frenzy. Would he shoot? Would he forfeit? Would he continue? They could bet on anything. The managers took their wager, then gave it back plus a 10% extra if they won. If they lost, the betters lost their money. The managers always took a commission in the bets, and a part was reserved for each of the players.

That was what Natsu knew about the betting rules, but he was sure there was a scam somewhere, because the managers always seemed to have a lot more money than they should in the end. Natsu didn't care. All he wanted was his part. But he didn't want to be scammed either. Therefore he always showed them he was someone strong, not to be played. If he acted desperate like all the other participants, they'd take advantage of it.

He also knew that they would encourage him tonight. With more money. He was sure of it. The more bread they spread on the table, the more excited he'd get. It was a good motivation to continue the game. And people would bet higher and higher…especially if it was against Laxus.

Dreyar was well known in this kind of rings. Natsu heard he went to the fifth round once. Such luck was insane. People loved to bet on his victory…or his death. Playing against him would get him more than he ever got at his job in one month.

Natsu drank a big sip of vodka. The burning liquid filled his stomach. He felt blood rushing through his brain. A slow euphoria settled in his heart, replacing the fear and nausea in his guts. He felt his inner fire rising in his chest, like whenever he needed to fight… He let it fill his body, he embraced the rage he always had to suppress outside. But he wouldn't unleash it like he usually did…

He grinned. It would be his turn soon.

* * *

"Finally!" Gray said in relief when he saw his red head friend enter the small flat. Her boyfriend Jellal followed her, a health care suitcase in his hand.

"Sorry I took so long…" she just nodded to him, then put immediately her attention on Lucy. "How is she?"

"I've been trying to reanimate her for an hour." he sighed. "The landlord gave me all the ice he had. I managed to cool her, but I don't think it was efficient."

"At least she's still breathing. You did enough." she reassured him.

Jellal put the suitcase next to her and opened it. He knew how to help her, since it wasn't their first time doing something like this. Erza was a special nurse. She worked at a very tolerant clinic where they looked away when she _borrowed_ health care for her other activity. She was part of an underground health care system. It was much less efficient than hospital, but still very appreciated by the large community of poor people who couldn't afford something better.

In exchange, she gave part of the money she made to the clinic, but that was just her case. It was a tacit contract between her and her boss.

"Now go get Natsu and tell him I'm gonna punch his guts so hard he won't remember his mama's name."

Gray gulped and ran off, taking his dangerous friend very seriously.

Erza took the syringe of naloxone Jellal had prepared for her. "You put the highest dose?"

"Yeah. I know this dope. It's strong."

Erza put a tourniquet around Lucy's right arm. She found a suitable vein to puncture, and injected the antidote in her blood. She took the tourniquet off her arm before she took the needle off her vessel. She swept the red pearl with a piece of cotton, then put a little bandage on the spot. She hoped it wasn't too late.

"Come on Lucy… Come back to us."

* * *

Natsu swallowed with difficulty. His throat was dry. Across from him, Laxus Dreyar was peacefully smirking at him, his forearms resting on the table. Around them a thick and excited tension animated the crowd. People were betting. The players would have to wait five minutes before starting.

Natsu observed his opponent. It was his first time meeting him. First thing to notice…he was big. Iron muscles, covered with tattoos. Natsu felt he would lose against him in a boxing ring. He also had weird lost eyes…he wondered if he was high. It wouldn't be surprising. Natsu was half drunk himself.

He hoped the bets would end soon. The air was nauseating. Sweat, old blood, and alcohol scents were all mixed here.

Finally, a girl walked to their table. Natsu thought her name was Evergreen or something. She took the gun, opened the cylinder, and showed it to both of them. Empty. She raised it in the air so that the crowd could witness. Then she put one bullet in it. She closed the cylinder. She asked the two players to look away. No cheating. The audience couldn't see the gun very well from afar, so they could watch. The girl rolled the cylinder several times, as fast as she could.

Then she put the gun back on the table between them. The metallic weapon glimmered strangely in the yellow light of the basement. Life was a game of luck. Luck had always been against him. Now it was all gathered in that small piece of metal.

"Heads for Dragneel, tails for Dreyar." Evergreen said, catching Natsu's attention. She flipped a coin. His heart raced in his chest. Heads. He would start.

The crowd whispered around him. People had bet on that too of course. A man named Bickslow approached them. He was the one who did the maths. He put a card in front of each players, with the sum they earned written on it. Natsu almost jolted in excitement. 800 bucks. And the game hadn't even started.

 _First round._ People shushed. Natsu fixed the weapon, then glanced at Laxus. This guy would never forfeit. He'd win, or die. And so would Natsu. Everyone knew it.

 _Natsu took the gun._ Two ways of winning. Or Laxus died, or they both passed the fifth round alive. Five blank shots for both of them. Out of ten. With one bullet, hidden somewhere in the mortal machine.

 _Natsu put the barrel against his temple._ People held their breath. The bullet could be there. One chance out of ten. He took a deep breath. Cold sweat ran on his skin.

 _He hooked his finger on the trigger._ Terror knotted his stomach, threatening to make him throw up. His heart beated fast and hard, like it wanted to run away from the danger. His ears whistled, he couldn't hear anything else, veins throbbed under his skin. All his senses told him to stop.

 _He pulled the trigger._

The click resonated in the room. Natsu breathed out. And the crowd exploded. But he didn't care.

He was alive. A wave of raging victory ran through him. His heart still tumbling, he put the gun back on the table, trembling a bit. He was breathless. His vision was clear. He was aware of his senses. He never felt more alive. Adrenaline gave him a high bliss, reminding him death hadn't won yet.

He loved this thrill. It was so much better than punching someone to death. So much more addictive than letting his anger out. Instead of releasing it, he made it implose. He _felt_ it. Everywhere in his body. His fingers, his toes, his hair, his muscles. He lived for moments like this. Playing with luck, playing with death…to feel alive. To stop being a ghost.

Bickslow put new cards on the table, one for Laxus, one for him. Natsu's eyes lit up, a mad greediness glinting in them. 1200 bucks. He licked his lips. That was better than expected.

 _Second round._ It was Laxus' turn to tempt luck.

* * *

This day couldn't help from getting worse. Gray just escaped a prematured death by avoiding a truck. He knew he had to be careful on the road, but he had to get to the industrial area quickly… If he could fly there instantly… He was taking too much time.

* * *

 _Third round._ Laxus has made it. It was Natsu's turn again. The bets were getting higher and higher. He would get more than three ground…if he didn't die before.

He had already done it before. He had already passed the third round once. It had been his luckiest game. Could he defy luck once more?

His hand was trembling. He licked his lips. Salty sweat tickled his tongue. His eyes flickered to the the sum he earned, then he thought of Lucy for the first time of the game. She must have found a way to go out and was probably sucking a dick right now.

His heart closed at this thought. An intense hatred rose in his chest, along with the rest of adrenaline and apprehension. Hatred for luck, life, everyone who made the rules of this unfair world.

He grasped the gun.

* * *

Gray finally saw from afar the building where his friend was. He accelerated. When he stopped, he didn't take the time to park his engine properly. He literally jumped off of it, and rushed inside the dark building. He arrived at a big storage room… Where did they hide their illegal ring? Probably in the underground.

He cursed as he had to search for the way down there. Why weren't there anyone in here? Were they all watching the game?

He finally found a small door, hidden behind a large grey curtain, barely noticeable. He ran down the stairs, breathing heavily as the heat intensified. It was suffocating. He eventually reached a stinky basement hallway. He could hear the shouts of the crowd from here.

He ran until he saw a counter, held by an elegant man with green hair. Time to play it cool.

"Hi." Gray said, with the most neutral expression he could afford, considering his state of mind.

"Hello there. Fifty bucks to watch the match. It's almost over, but the end is worth it."

Gray's heart beated. What if it was Natsu? He searched through his pockets. Dammit, he didn't have the money.

"I only have twenty bucks. That's worth the end of a match."

"Nice try. If you can't pay, you have to leave. My friends here don't like intruders." he indicated two enormous guys guarding the entrance of the game room. They both had guns. This was bad. What could Gray do?

Suddenly, no more noise could be heard. The audience had shut up in barely a second.

"Ah, this means fifth round is on." the green haired said. "If they make it, they can come home alive with their money. Interesting huh?" he smirked to the man who couldn't come in to see.

Fifth round?! It had to be Laxus and Natsu. Who would be mad enough to push luck that far?

"Take this!" he snatched his silver necklace from his neck. It was a gift from his father. But he couldn't care less right now. "It's worth a hundred bucks at least. Look, it's silver, you can see it there."

He frantically showed the guy the product mark.

"Hmm…" the guy seemed to look for a fraud. He watched the customer. He looked very nervous… He really wanted to attend this match. "Okay, you can come in."

Gray barely said thanks, he ran between the two guards, slammed the door open. Dozens of faces turned to him. But only Natsu's was important. He was in the middle of the room, sitting at a table across from Laxus.

He was holding a gun on his temple. He looked at him with surprised bloodshot eyes.

"Lucy…" Gray said breathlessly. "Lucy's ODing!"

A veil of terror reflected in Natsu's eyes. Lucy was dying… His Lucy was dying!

"Please come!" Gray begged.

Natsu's mouth opened slightly, he was breathless. Tears gathered in his eyes. Then he glanced at plastic cards on the table. His face darkened. He looked back at his friend with his blazing eyes. Gray stopped breathing.

He pulled the trigger.

* * *

 **A/N : The song that inspired me is Russian Roulette from Rihanna. I also brainstormed on this whilst listening to Alive, from Sia.**

 **Thank you for reading! I hope you'll tell me your thoughts.**

 **Bisous, Doublepassé**


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